Little Horn or Lame Duck? MAGA and the Orange Hitler Turtle Have Won...For Now

 NOTE: I use the proverbial you in this a lot. I’m addressing the MAGA camp when I do. If you are not a member of the MAGA camp, then I don’t mean “you” when I write in the second person. In places where this changes, I will say so. To my fellow leftists, I have nothing derogatory to say. We know who we are. We stand for human rights, equity, kindness, compassion, and understanding. We do not stand for bigotry or tyranny in any form. We do not stand for Alabaster Christ and His Oppression. We do NOT stand for “White Is Right”. We do not sit still for round ups. We do not ban or burn books, even the ones we hate. We here on the left do not feel like we are the Great Grand Arbiters of what The Next Person Does. When I claim the left, this is the left I’m talking about. I’m not talking about the idiots who want to do crazy chaotic shit just because it’s crazy and chaotic. I am not a “spread anything that shits on America, even if it’s a lie” leftist. Yes, they’re out there. I view those types as no different than the MAGAs, and thus do not claim them. Nope, when I shit on America, I use truth to do it.

There is no way for me to change the tense without rewriting the whole piece, and I'm not doing that, sorry not sorry. If you can handle reading the word “you” while knowing that I don’t mean YOU SPECIFICALLY unless you’re a MAGA puke, read on. Now isn’t the time to be hypersensitive about petty bullshit the pop culture puts out there to keep you from revolting over anything real. Round ups are real. Gas chambers are real. Now is the time to get ready for a fight, which requires a thicker skin than that which is acceptable during peacetime. Whining about particulars in word usage isn’t going to stop the round ups, and that’s THE ONLY thing I’m worried about right now, stopping the Hitler shit with the only thing I currently can—the written word.

Congratulations, America! You just elected Hitler!

But seriously folks…wait. I am serious.

You did.

You just elected Hitler.

Come on, MAGA. Stop being coy. I’d respect you more if you just admitted it. You know you love it. You know you can’t wait for Trump to start gassing immigrants. You’re chomping at the bit for blood and violence and the Jesus Driven Police State. You are. FUCKING ADMIT IT. You love this Hitler shit. You can’t wait until White is Right again. Until it’s okay for you to beat the shit out of your wife and kids because they belong to you. To be able to burn any book that shows the oppression of the impoverished and the working class (are they any different?). To openly murder homeless people under the sanctions of a Superfluity Act. Of a Police Purge. You’re fucking slobbering for it. Your cock is pearling over it. I’d respect you more if you just admitted it.

But you won’t. You’ll hide. You will, because that’s what you do. “He ain’t Hitler!” you’ll scream. “He’s God’s man!”*

There is nothing Christian about the Orange Hitler Turtle. Bigot President Donald J. Trump is the proud Duke of Mammon. Yep, he claimed it. More on this can be found here. This is your Super Christian President, the Duke of fucking Mammon. Congratulations, fly! You landed right in the spiderweb. And you wonder why you’ll be denied at the end of days. Forgot about that part of the Bible, didn’t ya? Pat yourself on the back, dude.

Now that the religious bullshit is out of the way, let’s get into the political bullshit.

Mr. “Poisoning the blood.” Do you know what that means? It means he’s afraid the immigrant will mate with the precious white people and thus “poison” their blood. When Hitler used THAT EXACT PHRASE in Nazi Germany, that’s what he was talking about, interracial mating. What’s Trump mean by that? What other “blood” is there to poison? The figurative blood of the American psyche? LOL. Like we need immigration to do that. Have you ever listened to popular music? Paid attention to the promotion of drugs and gangs in our entertainment media? No. Either he’s talking eugenicist shit, or he’s using phrases he knows will rile people up without knowing what they mean. Which one is worse? I think they’re both equal. And “migrant crime” and the “immigrant menace.” Both Hitler’s turns of phrase (well, more to the point, they were Goebbels, but…). Mr. Round ‘Em Up. “The biggest mass deportation process in history, meaning bigger than Hitler’s. See, Hitler ALSO said he was just going to round them up and deport them. Problem is, Palestine said Fuck You, just like Mexico said Fuck You. You didn’t know that did ya? That Mexico straight up told him to eat shit on the deportation. Yes, they sure did. So where, then? Nowhere. Into the Zyklon they’ll go. Here’s a link if you don’t believe me.

Mexico Says, "Fuck You, Donnie!"

The only way Trump’s not Hitler is if he’s a lame duck. If he does NOT round up the immigrants the way Hitler did. If he does not go after his political rivals the way Hitler did. If he does not go after the “radical left menace” like he says he will and also the way Hitler did.

He's an embezzler. A traitor. A fucking RAPIST. How the fuck is this guy the president, do you, my fellow leftist or left-leaner, ask? Well, that’s easy. America gets a hard dick over the idea that he is THE MIGHTY. That sounds so childish, but it’s the mentality in this country. “I am the Mighty! The mightiest of mighty! You, plebian cunt, do what I say, or I shoot you in face!” Yeah, that’s America in the closet.

What the better part of our plebs have just proven themselves to be is a bunch of ennui-plagued psychotics who get a vicarious thrill out of watching cops beat the shit out of people, out of knowing that scared girls can’t abort rape or incest pregnancies, out of knowing that the less fortunate will have to suck concrete because they’re going to lose their food stamps, out of knowing that anyone who they feel is “delinquent” is going to suffer. Out of being able to look down our noses at our neighbor who is, of course, invalid. Out of knowing that women and children who had the audacity to cross our borders in search of a better life are going to be rounded up and starved and fucking gassed to death. Out of how righteous their churches make them feel for adhering to tyrannies. Yes, your MAGA cock is pearly-hard thinking about all of that right now, isn’t it? You know why? Because this stuff makes you THE MIGHTY! You stand with the Mighty, with White is Right, with Kill Anyone Who Doesn’t Think Like You. Think I’m being too harsh?

Then why is the only thing we ever see on the news bloodshed based?

Goodbye Human Rights. Goodbye Health Care for All. Goodbye Racial Equity. Goodbye Freedom of Religion. Goodbye Freedom of Speech. Goodbye Women’s Rights. Goodbye Compassion, period.**

There’s one thing about all mouthy cowards that actually gives me hope in the face of these new ones. The Lame Duck is not just in his followers, but in himself. He didn’t even want to be president. He wanted the power and the money, but not the responsibility. I think he’s going to let all of his goddamn deliciously stupid MAGA puke-whores down, and I think they secretly wish he would so they could go back to stewing in ignominy instead of actually having to risk their own skin. Like any other bully, they cry and snitch when we hit back. They’ve proven it time and again.

In any case, I will be there to satirize the lot with THE COCAINE BROS.! With this comic, John Bruni and I will satirize everything that’s about to happen in the most horrible ways. The Orange Hitler Turtle will be a part of it. We will use the brothers to show MAGA exactly what they look like in the most extreme ways. Tucker, you see, is a MAGA, he’s all about the Orange Hitler Turtle. His brother Hunter is a rabid dog with no values of any kind, he’s just there to rip shit apart. This is perfectly analogous to MAGA, who is made up of either White Supremacists or no-IQ feral fucks, and no one besides.

Okay. Fuck this. I’ll have to finish it later. I can’t do anymore.

I’ve always said and say again now, Nazi Punks Fuck Off.

   

*About the God’s Man thing— if you’re talking about the War God Yahoo (who we call Yahweh), you’re right. Trump is God’s man. That murderous fuck of a deity loves Donald J. Trump. But if you’re talking about the Jesus you claim to follow, let me point out that there’s not a single fucking beatitude Christ spoke which adheres to anything that ever came out of the mealy sideways cunt that is Donald J. Trump’s mouth. Christ never called people who couldn’t pay Caesar “Delinquents”. He did bring it to your attention that it’s probably better to follow the law of the land, so the authorities don’t kill you, which isn’t the same as saying Suck the Emperor’s Cock. Now recall, I’m talking about Christ, not the prophets, not Paul, not the Old Testament, I’m talking strictly Christ. Christ never called for genocide. He never said anything about how the poor should be killed though he did warn them that they likely would be (“The meek shall inherit the Earth” doesn’t mean that sweetie-pie bullshit everyone thinks it does, it means what I just said. The meek wind up dead because they won’t fight for themselves.) He blessed the prostitute. He said turn the other cheek which does not mean NEVER FIGHT, it means walk the fuck away if you can (the other cheek is your butt cheeks, dude), if you’re able. But when you can’t, fight—he taught this by example when he kicked the shit out of the capitalists who were using trinkets to make the Divine look disingenuous and looking at today’s world, especially now, you can see why. And that line he laid about the sword wasn’t talking about bloodshed, he was talking about challenging people’s set beliefs with the sword of his doctrine, knowing that eventually this would lead to fighting, hence the sword of his tongue.

** What kind of a heartless puddle of pesticide would get behind that platform? How could you want to get rid of empathy-driven politics? All the Love Thy Neighbor stuff? Those who can’t get behind those things, man, you’re a fucking cunt. Yep, I said it. If you can’t get behind those things, if you don’t think those are all good, necessary things, you’re a fucking idiotic cunt. YOU’RE NOT PAYING FOR THE POOR. You’ve been paying for weapons. World War Three has been in the works for a long time. You are paying for Research and Development, you are paying engineers to build weapons we’re not supposed to need. You are paying for American ICBMs. You are paying for Think Tanks whose purpose is to use The Overton Window to manipulate your ass. Even Jesse Waters admitted this, he said you should get behind this spending because it’s “for your protection”. You’re paying for DARPA to keep you safe from the Boogeyman. For the cop that pulls you over. For the technology that spies on you. For the tax breaks enjoyed by billionaires. For the fact that if all the uber-wealthy fuckers in the country got together, they could pay off the National Debt at very low cost to themselves. But no, it’s the POOR! It’s the POOR TAKING YOUR MONEY! The LAZY POOR!

Fucking MAGA jackass.

Act like cash assistance is a $2,000 a week check. Bitch, they get like 250 a month. And you have to have a job to get section 8 housing, either that or be on disability you EARNED via social security.